New Study: Blackberry Shutdown Not A Big Deal

Contrary to techie opinion, a new study released on Monday reveals that if the current lawsuit against Research In Motion (RIM) shuts down Blackberrys altogether, it won’t cause more than a ripple in information interchange.

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Why is this? “Because most people that own Blackberrys either don’t know how to use them anyway or have been looking for a way to get rid of them altogether,” Says the study, conducted by Electric Times Research And Sushi.

The new study, to be published in the tech “Journal Of American Keyboard Jockeys” (JAKJ), reveals that there are probably fewer than 1,000 subscribers that are considered “heavy” users of the device. The heavy category is defined as those who use the Blackberry at least once a day.

“I check my mail in the morning and before I leave work,” Says Bob Granger, a database group manager. “If there’s something important, they’ll usually call my office phone and let me know what they just sent to me. So I really don’t have to wade through all of those e-mails to figure out which ones to ignore. People usually let me know by their urgency.”

Bob’s attitude seems to be the norm among the “heavy” users group, who make up a mere 3% of subscribers.

The next category of “frequent” users, making up 32% of subscribers, average 2-3 times per week. They typically use the device to check weather or sports scores, although sometimes they merely use the device to check the time.

“There are just too many e-mails to read all of them, so I just ignore them all,” Says John Wilson, a financial advisor with Wiggly, Tish, and Moore. “If anyone asks, I just tell them that I was out for a couple of days and just haven’t gotten to theirs yet. That always works.”

The largest category, nearly 53% of subscribers, fall into the “infrequent” category. These subscribers used the device an average of 1.2 times per week. The infrequent group was the group most likely to use the device for its visual appeal, rather than for its function.

“I carry mine in my purse,” Says Linda Weaver, an executive at Urban Technology Solutions. “If I’m having drinks with the girls and I see a guy I want to attract, I just whip out my Blackberry and pretend to use it. They usually notice and come over to talk to me.”

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However, Linda admits that she rarely uses the device for its intended purpose — a high-end personal data organizer and cell phone.

“I don’t know the first thing about actually using it,” Linda admitted. “I just know that if it starts making funny noises I hit this button to make it stop. Otherwise I keep it tucked in my purse or desk drawer.”

The category defined as “rare” users of the device made up 5% of subscribers. These people averaged just over 1 use every 2 months. They most often used the device to impress close friends and family, although most of them readily admit knowing very little about how to use them.

And, an astounding 7% of subscribers report that they either use their Blackberry device less than once every 6 months or have never actually used it at all.

“My boss just gave them out to everyone last quarter,” Says Tom Slidell, an account manager at Barn City. “I’ve never even taken it out of the box. Hell, a few of the guys put them up on E-Bay and made some extra cash. They don’t give bonuses around here, you know.”

So, while some techies are screaming armageddon, most “users” of Blackberrys say “who cares?”

-Staff Reporter – BS