June 2005 Archives

Grodie Foods, Inc. is set to launch into the national spotlight on Monday when it launches its new line of novelty snack foods.

Based in Nashville, Tennessee, Grodie Foods was launched in 1999 after the Tennessee Legislature approved a law that allows citizens to take road kill animals for their own consumption.

"We've had steady growth since launch," Mack Thompson, CEO of Grodie Foods said Wednesday. "We have a fun, tasty line of snacks that everyone seems to love."

In 2003, Grodie Foods moved their production factory to Lebanon,
Tennessee so they could expand their production from one line to six. Since then, says Thompson, increased demand has led to a utilization rate of over 80% over two shifts.

"We added a third shift last month to accomodate the new lines," said
Thompson. "Right now our utilization is at 64%, but we expect that to ramp up to 80% - 90% by full product launch in mid-October."

Grodie Foods' new line might make some stomachs turn, but Thompson's team of marketing experts expects it to be a hit. The new line of frozen treats includes four meat filled popcicles -- called "meatcicles". The meatcicle flavors -- Beefy-Freeze, Lamb-Crusty, Chicken-Chillers, and Pork-Nippers -- are expected to be a hit with teenagers looking to try something different,
they say.

Grodie executives argue that people have been eating beef jerky for decades, and that, since they are often eaten in warmer climates, there would be a demand for a cold meat snack.

"You could grab a sandwich," Ron Jenkins, supervising marketing executive says. "But that gets messy. All of that mustard, ketchup, etc. With meat on our specialized popcicle stick, you never have to worry about your hands getting messy with meat grease."

During the development phase, researchers found that meat juices dripping down the stick became a nuisance. So, they developed a bowl-shaped reservoir half-way down the stick to catch the drippings. Once there, the bowl included a mini-straw molded into it so the juices could be sucked up before it overflowed.

"We are working with some ice cream vendors to see if we can have
them included in some of the ice cream trucks that visit neighborhoods this summer," Thompson said. "So make sure you ask them if they have a Beefy-Freeze or Chicken-Chiller when they drive up."

The new meatcicles will compliment their line of snack products that
already includes favorites such as "Kidney Chew", "Tongue Rub", and "Brain Squishy" bubble gums; "Souse Chips", "Chitlin Fries", and "Popped Eyeballs" potato-chip-like snacks; and "Roasted Thyroid", "Baked Tonsil Wafers", and "Deep Fried Gonad Mix".

-- Staff Reporter -- BS

Some of President Bush's closest advisors joined him for a trip to the beach to relax and celebrate the first day of summer. They were surprised by a BrainDrips.com photographer as they left the beach.

Left to right: G. Bush, D. Rumsfeld, C. Rice, D. Cheney, L. Bush, undisclosed Secret Service agent

It seems that once they got rid of Attorney General John Ashcroft, who had the breasts of the justice statutues covered by an $8,000 tarpoleon, they were free to bare some skin and relax to the fullest.

While reluctant at first to talk about their experience, we were able to gather some opinions on the matter before the secret service whisked them away.

"There's just nothing in the world like lying under the sun in your altogether and relaxing," Says Laura Bush. "But make sure you tell the kids to put on sunscreen. You don't want any skin cancer showing up on your privates."

Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice says that she finds it a relaxing getaway from the troubles of the world.

"With all of this talk about WMD, it's nice to just go for a swim, soak up some sun, and forget about it for a while," says Rice. "When I'm out here, I remember back to the swimmin' hole in Alabama. Only I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder for a bunch of men in white sheets here. The Secret Service has my back now."

President Bush shared that they often engage in verbal banter during outings such as this one.

"We kid Dick that we should send him to Baghdad and let him walk through the streets naked," President Bush says with a grin and a chuckle. "We say 'That'll show those terrorists!' But he's not amused."

When asked if the White House would become clothing-optional now that Attorney General John Ashcroft has left, Laura Bush responded "No, not really. I mean, we've always had some C.O. meetings when John wasn't around. I don't think we'll have any more than usual."

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld mumbled something about "pinnacles of ignorance" and walked away.

Staff Reporter -- BS